Granted, to each their own, but I disagree, to some degree. I'm learning that it's important to love yourself, and to love what you make of your life. If you don't love your life, change it until you love it more each change. I'm also not religeouse, and have been informed that I really don't fit with my family, by my family. I'm actually looking forward to seeing my life without them as such a heavy part. When I ditched religeon, things got better, and I became less depressed. Sad that things were not what I made of them, but also happy that I was free to grow. It looks like it will be the same where my family is concerned. I met a lot of good loveable people through my persuit of art, and several of those people have already shown how much they love me for me. I don't think it's fair to gage worth in love, or worth in action, or worth in others (whom/what ever they may be), as we are already worthy/worthwhile just by being. I think it is up to each of us to find ourselves worthy of ourselves, and that is all.
The part about the beach was interesting to me, because it's not exactly how I think about things. (Natrually. We're not the same person.) I spent large swatches of my child and teenhood on Eastham at the Cape. My grandparents lived there (they've now passed away.) I never felt the need to size myself up to the other people there, as I was just a lanky nerdy kid with long hair. I also very rarely went with other people, maybe my brother. But more often than not, I'd go, plonk myself down in the sand or at the top of the dune cliff, and just look. Observe. Meditate. I enjoy and absorb spaces that resonate with me, and they form very strong memories in my mind. That beach that was next to my grandparents was a big one. I watched so many sunsets, the stars, sunrises, tides come in, out, and the gradual decay and submergence of the old abandoned battleship on the horizon. This has largely shaped me to be a very .... patient (if that's the right word) person.
For example, in the city, people seem to be pressed for time at all times, whether it be waiting in line at the market or waiting for the subway. The other night the Red Line broke down and I was stranded in the middle of downtown Boston at 10:30 PM. People were about ready to riot on the surface because the shuttle bus service was so unorganized and slow. You'd swear the Titanic was sinking and we were on it. Still, while everyone lost their temper and fought, I took it as an opportunity to step back and simply enjoy the scenery at this time of night away from the crowd and noise. The service delay didn't bother me, I saw it simply as an excuse to do more observing and thinking to myself. I still got home, sure a little later than the rest of the folk, but I had no stress, no frustration with anyone or anything. I simply deny myself a sense of "earned entitlement" (to get on the shuttle buses first, for example,) and I'm a calm, happy camper, for all I know it'll help me live longer hahaha.
I have no idea where I'm doing with this. Or if it's on target with your post. Just wanted to share that tidbit about how I approach life.
> We are adding value to the things we draw. We are noticing the beauty in something, and showing others who might otherwise never look- and they are looking with fresh eyes at the world around them.
Yessss, I see this so much in art, especially fanart. I love when people do their own take on stuff, and I love pointing out unnoticed details to people.
> I feel pretty worthless at the beach, when just days before I felt on top of the world at a convention of nerds.
Well there are plenty of ladies in nerd-dom, don't you forget. And so you're not a bro... so what??? I find bros really unattractive. Immediate "nope". People who are genuine and nerdy? Heck yeah!
> Also, art is neat but it's a shallow place to fix your hope of 'mattering' to the world. Can I have a poster of this? Seriously, this is what every artist needs to hear.
> You are worthwhile because you are loved. Bam.
> You are worthwhile because you are loved by God. Bam! Best blog post ever.
> And when our worth comes from somewhere else, we are not earning worth for ourselves when we make art- we are giving it away to others. Ugh, here come the tears... I've so been struggling with this over the past few weeks and have actually been praying for a sign... thank you so much for writing this post...
> I think it's easy to despair when I am convinced that my worth depends on how well the next piece turns out. It's easy for me to say as an artist that looks up to you, but don't forget how far you've come. If you make one bad piece it's probably still leagues ahead of a piece you made three years ago. I'm slowly learning that now. (Also more often than not people are easily impressed by "bad" pieces. )
Your post would be incredibly comforting if I didn't stand so firmly on the agnostic side. Is any of this true? I don't know! Assessing whether God exists or not is entirely impossible for me: as a mere human, I feel don't have this kind of knowledge at hand. But that's ok!
Since I'm unable to discuss His existence, there is only one point you stated I wish to speak about: You seem to believe things become more desirable when they're already loved. However, while I do hold what I love in high regard, I really don't care whether it is loved by many others or only by me. Whether I love something is entirely up to myself, and I couldn't care less about how many people loved it before me. I love it for what it is, not for the hype around it.
Well, this is it for this comment, then! I'm glad for you, even if I wasn't quite as lucky in my choice of friends in the past. I guess that's why I feel unworthy. But at least someone else is happy! I wish you the best!
YES!!!!!! Thank you so much for sharing something so deeply insightful, but so very true. I too am one of so many people who has a hard time coming to grips with self-worth. I spend more time lurking on DA than actually drawing anything because I wish so badly that I could draw like you awesome people do, and feel so small in comparison. I hope that as I enter into my marriage that I will learn to place my worth where it really belongs: in the eyes of God and in the eyes of my husband.